


Number 12 Grimmauld Place

by Bird (everyoneblooms)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Bisexual Sirius Black, Coming Out, Gay Remus Lupin, Idk how to tag stuff but here we go I guess, M/M, confession of love, post azkaban, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:00:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24937948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everyoneblooms/pseuds/Bird
Summary: The last time Remus Lupin saw Sirius Black was the night that Peter Pettigrew got away. Now he’s been assigned to “babysitting” duty- as Sirius calls it. It brings up feelings that Remus hasn’t had to deal with since his boyhood at Hogwarts.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 31





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any characters or places from the Harry Potter series.  
> I do not in anyway support or agree with all the dumb stuff J.K. Rowling says on Twitter.  
> Please enjoy this short fic.

When Remus finds himself on the doorstep to number 12 Grimmauld Place he has to hesitate for a moment. The last time he had seen Sirius was the night that wormtail escaped. He can’t help but worry that Sirius blames him for that. After all,he blames himself.

Finally, Remus decides he can’t stand on the doorstep any longer. He lifts his arm and raps on the door in a rhythmic pattern. The magical locks begin to click as they unlock one by one.

The door to Grimmauld Place swings open on its own and Remus steps into the dreary entrance hall. It’s obvious that at one point this had been an elegant home, but years of sitting uninhabited have left it dusty and dank. He notices suddenly a pair of pale yellow eyes peering at him from a doorway, but just as quickly the door is pulled shut and the eyes are gone.

There are footsteps on the stairs and a familiar voice calls out, “Dumbledore, is that you?” Sirius is descending the stairs and tying a deep purple, velvet night robe around his middle. He stops halfway down and stares at Remus, his lips slightly parted.

“Hello, Sirius,” Remus says softly. He takes a few cautious steps down the hall. 

“Remus,” Sirius replies, his voice equally soft. Remus is dismayed to see that his face is still gaunt, though his eyes have much more life than the last time he saw his old friend.

“Dumbledore told me you were here,” Remus says. “He recommended I come talk to you.”

Sirius nods slowly, then continues his descent down the stairs. “Of course, come to the kitchen. I can make you a cup of tea, you look haggard.”

Remus follows Sirius to a door further down the hall, the same one he’d seen the pale yellow eyes peering at him from. It’s a long, skinny room with an ornate dining table. At the back there’s a doorway that presumably leads to the kitchen. “Sit,” Sirius says, waving a hand at the table. “I’ll go get some tea.”

Remus pulls one of the blackwood chairs out and takes a seat while Sirius disappears into the kitchen.

“Master Sirius has brought home a mutt,” a croaky voice says from behind Remus. He nearly jumps out of his skin and turns to find the voice. It belongs to a particularly ugly house elf with a very unfriendly face. 

“Excuse me?” Remus asks, not sure he heard the elf right.

“Mistress would be so upset if she knew a half-breed was sitting at the table,” the house elf mutters, seeming to think he can’t hear him. Remus has half a mind to say something to the elf, but at that moment Sirius is back.

“Go back to your room, Kreacher,” Sirius barks at the elf. Kreacher turns his eyes upon Sirius, his lips pulling into a sneer at his master. He listens though, and makes his way out of the dining room, still muttering under his breath.

“Sorry about him,” Sirius says, setting a mug down in front of Remus before taking the seat across from him. “He’s always been an unpleasant vermin. Have to keep him around though, or else he’d tell everyone that I’m here. It was a nasty shock when I found out he was still living here. Obviously he hasn't been doing his job.” Sirius waves one hand, pointing out the disarray the house has been left in.

“No need to apologize,” Remus says, lifting the mug to his lips and taking a small sip. It warms him instantly all the way down to his toes. He can’t take his eyes off Sirius, who is currently lounged back in his chair in a very familiar way.

There are hints of the boy he used to be, but overall he looks like someone entirely different. His skin is waxy and pale, eyes sunk deep into their sockets. His hair, however, is much the same as it was in highschool. It's dark and sleek with a slightly wavy texture. Sirius Black’s hair was legendary at Hogwarts. He had a long list of admirers, and Remus can’t say he blamed them.

“So what did you come to talk to me about,” Sirius asks, taking a heavy swig from his own mug.

Remus sets his tea down with shaking hands. He isn’t sure where to begin. Perhaps he should start with the least shocking. “Dumbledore would like me to take over bringing you supplies.”

Sirius smirks a little, but there’s not much humor behind it. “Ah, so you’re on babysitting duty. I knew it was only a matter of time before Albus got sick of buying my groceries.”

“Not babysitting,” Remus says quickly, “Just helping you out.”

“No need to sugar coat it, Remus.” Sirius leans his chair back onto two legs and props his bare feet up on the table. “I’m not particularly picky. Any food you bring me is better than the rations at Azkaban.”

Remus nearly shudders at the mention of Azkaban. It really says something about Sirius’s resolve that he can come out of there mostly intact. “How was that?” Remus asks.

Sirius lets his chair fall back onto all four legs with a loud bang that makes them both flinch. His voice low, he says, “Terrible. Thought I was going mad, most of the time. The only way I could tolerate it was by turning into a dog. My emotions are simpler as a dog, you know. Even then, sometimes I’d find myself just whimpering in the corner of my cell.”

“I’m so sorry I ever thought you were guilty-“ Remus begins, but Sirius raises a hand to silence him.

“I’m as guilty as you are in that aspect. Had I not suspected you of being the spy Lily and James would likely still be alive.”

Remus feels many emotions all at once. The first, and most prominent, is hurt. He never knew that Sirius suspected him. The second, however, is sorrow. Sorrow for what the war and the Dark Lord took from them. Sorrow for the fact that after all these years Sirius still blames himself. “You thought I was in league with Greyback.” It’s not a question. Remus has a hard time hiding the hurt in his voice and on his face.

“Yes,” Sirius admits. “I feel terrible about it now, and look at where it landed us. I just couldn’t imagine Pete as a death eater.”

“I understand,” Remus says, “I am the more likely culprit.”

“But you’re not,” Sirius says so sharply that he surprises Remus. “I let my prejudice cloud my judgment. I know you Remus, and I know you never would have betrayed Lily and James.”

Remus blushes a pale pink at the sincerity in Sirius’s voice. Since losing his friends he has had very few people be so understanding of his… affliction.

Sirius is looking at him with a peculiar, appraising expression. It makes Remus quite nervous and he stands from his chair quickly, almost knocking it over as he does. “I really ought to go,” he tells Sirius. “I’ll be back later this week. Anything specific you’d like me to get?”

“Nothing in particular,” Sirius tells him. “Though, I suppose I could use some more shampoo.”

“Alright then, I’ll see you Friday.” Remus is desperate to get out of Grimmauld Place. It was a relief to see Sirius again, and to see him doing as well as he could considering his trauma. But it had also brought up feelings Remus had not felt in a very, very long time. Taboo feelings that he had hoped he would never feel again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not really proofreading this or anything, so if it's messy oh well. I'm mostly just writing this to get me out of a slump of writer's block. Also because I'm rereading Prisoner of Azkaban right now and it makes me soft.

Remus appears on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place with a small pop. He takes a moment to look both ways before he raps on the door. It swings open silently and he slips inside. He has a bag of groceries tucked under one arm and a few slim records in his other hand. The portrait at the end of the long hall starts shrieking at the sight of him. Before Remus has time to react Sirius is running down the stairs. He waves his wand and curtains engulf the portrait, muffling her screams.  
“Mother was never a fan of half-breeds,” Sirius explains, cringing when he says the word. “Nasty woman, she was.” Sirius continues down the stairs and takes the bag of groceries from Remus, leading the way to the kitchen. “Did you bring the shampoo?”  
“Yes,” Remus tells him.  
Sirius sets the paper bag down on the counter and rummages through it. He extracts a bottle of women’s strawberry scented shampoo. He smiles at it and then at Remus. “You remembered.”  
Remus can only smile shyly. He could never forget Sirius’s shampoo preference. He claimed it was his secret recipe to having luxurious hair. Remus didn’t think there was really anything difference between men’s and women’s shampoos, but he never would have said so. He loved when the shorter boy would toss his hair and the scent of strawberries would waft towards him.  
Remus can feel his cheeks heating up at that particular memory, so he quickly changes the subject. “I brought these as well, I hope you have a record player.” He sets the vinyl albums on the counter and Sirius immediately grabs the top one.  
“Oh, Remus,” he says, his voice thick with emotion. He holds up David Bowie’s Heroes. “You brought this to Hogwarts in our sixth year, I remember it so clearly. The four of us sitting in the dormitory and drinking that firewhiskey I would steal from Hogsmeade. You always claimed to hate my sticky fingers, but you never turned down a glass of firewhiskey.”  
Remus laughs. “I was so certain you’d get yourself expelled. I still can’t believe you never got caught.”  
“I would have if it weren’t for James’s cloak.” At the mention of James the air becomes somber, the two of them both longing for the company of their friend. After a moment of tense silence Sirius waves his wand, summoning two glasses and a bottle of the aforementioned whiskey. “Come on, there’s a record player in the sitting room.”  
Remus follows him back into the dreary hallway and to a sitting room. It’s even more dirty than the kitchen with huge velvet curtains covering the windows and a thick layer of dust over every surface. There’s a china cabinet in the corner filled with all kinds of dark artifacts. Sirius pulls a sheet off a low table, revealing an old record player. “When mum and dad were gone I used to come in here and play my muggle albums,” he tells Remus while fiddling with the machine. “Reg ratted me out one time, mum came home and blasted all my records into pieces. Told me I was acting like a dirty bloodtraitor.”  
Remus has nothing to say to this story. He sits quietly and waits. Suddenly Beauty and the Beast comes on. Sirius stands up and turns to Remus with a broad smile on his face. He pours two glasses of whiskey despite Remus’s protests of, “I really shouldn’t.”  
“To James,” Sirius says, holding his glass up, “and to 1977.”  
Remus raiss his own glass and takes a large sip of firewhiskey against his better judgement. He doesn’t drink often and the burn from the whiskey makes him sputter. Sirius laughs and collapses on the ancient sofa next to him. The two of them sit there for a long time, reminiscing about their sixth year. Sirius keeps pouring glass after glass of firewhiskey. His glasses empty far quicker than Remus’s do, leaving the latter to wonder how often Sirius does this. How often does he sit here, with a glass of whiskey, and reminisce?  
“You know what, Moony,” Sirius says towards the end of the bottle, his words are only a little slurred. “James would be proud of you.”  
Remus feels his eyes prick with tears. He furiously wipes them away. “Why do you say that?”  
“You have the whole world against you,” Sirius explains slowly. “And look at you, a Hogwarts teacher.”  
“Only for one year,” Remus reminds him.  
“But you did it,” Sirius insists, slinging an arm over his shoulders. Remus blushes, though it’s not noticeable because his face is already so red from the alcohol. “I can’t help but wonder where I would have ended up if I was a free man.”  
“You will be a free man again,” Remus tells him. Sirius turns to look at him and now Remus’s whole body is blossoming with heat. Their faces are so close that when Sirius exhales his breath fans across his face. The way Sirius is scrutinizing him becomes too much for Remus to bare. He pushes himself up from the couch, staggering abit as he tries to find his footing. He’s had more to drink than he realized. “I ought to go,” he says.  
A sad, lonely look flashes across Sirius’s face. Then it’s gone and he’s standing up as well, going to the record player to grab the albums. “Keep them,” Remus says quickly. “I have plenty of records at home. God knows you need some music to make this place more like a home.”  
“Thank you, Moony. Are you sure you’re okay to go home like this? I’d hate to see you get splinched. You can spend the night if you need.”  
Remus isn’t sure he’s ever heard such a tempting offer. Spend the night with Sirius Black? If only. “I’ll be okay,” he assures Sirius. “I really ought to go.” The two men walk to the door, Sirius tripping over his own feet once. On the doorstep Remus allows himself to take a good, long look at Sirius. This isn’t the boy he fell in love with anymore. This version of Sirius Black is someone else entirely, something far lonelier and more complex. But Remus thinks, given the chance, he could love him just as much as he loved that boy from Hogwarts. Then he apparates off the doorstep with a quiet pop.


	3. Chapter 3

“I brought some stuff over for you,” Remus says, setting a box down on the dining room table.

Sirius looks up questioningly. The reassuring smile from Remus encourages him to open the box.

At first glance Sirius thinks it’s a stack of papers, but upon closer inspection he realizes it’s actually photographs. He pulls the top one off the stack and inspects it. He and James are wearing suits with Lily between them wearing an elegant white dress. Sirius is kissing Lily’s cheek and she’s laughing and pushing him away.

“Their wedding day,” Sirius murmurs. His chest feels too tight all of a sudden. He puts the picture aside and grabs the next out. Remus is standing next to Lily now, wearing a particularly shabby gingham suit. Remus is smiling bashfully at the camera and Sirius feels his heart swell with affection. He knows that look so well, Remus always got shy in front of the camera. He much preferred to be behind the lens.

The next picture is of Peter and James. Sirius tosses it aside without a second glance, he can’t bare to look at James’ arm around Peter. Had the shorter man already started working for Voldemort then?

The picture after that makes Sirius’ chest constrict even tighter. He and Marlene McKinnon are dancing vigorously together. The surrounding wedding guests have given them a wide berth, a few even looked concerned. Sirius is spinning and dipping Marlene enthusiastically. “Marlene,” Sirius murmurs, his eyes filling with tears.

“I was always so sure you guys would end up together,” Remus says as he looks at the picture over Sirius’ shoulder. Sirius scoffs, prompting Remus to ask, “What?”

Come on, Moony, you really couldn’t tell?”

“What?” Remus repeats, this time more defensively.

“Marlene was head over heels for Dorcas,” Sirius chuckles.

“What makes you think that?”

Sirius laughs even more, “Well, maybe it was all the time she spent talking to me about it.”

For a moment Remus is too dumbstruck to speak. There was someone else like him? All the time he spent in the closet and he could have talked to Marlene about his sexuality? And she had told their other friends and they had accepted her. Could he have been open to them as well? Would have they accepted him?

“Who knew?” Remus finally asks.

“Just Lily and I, though I always figured you could tell. You were always so in tune with people’s emotions.”

Remus just shakes his head, “I had no idea. I wish she would have told me. I could have told her- we could have talked about it.”

Sirius shrugs. “It’s a scary thing to admit.” Remus notices a pale blush rise into Sirius’ hollow cheeks. “At least I would imagine it is.”

Remus nods solemnly. It’s the secret he had planned on taking to his grave. This is the first time he’s seriously considered another option. But still, how can he admit it to Sirius of all people?

“I suppose that’s part of why you two got on so well,” Remus muses. “Similar interests, and all that. As well as your knack for causing chaos.”

Sirius’ head snaps to look at Remus so fast that it hurts. “What is that supposed to mean?” He asks, his voice coming out a little more harsh than he meant it.

Remus raises his eyebrows. “Your mutual love for women?”

“Ah, yeah.” Sirius laughs a little, though it’s forced and nervous. 

“You were never interested in her?” Remus asks, trying his best to sound innocently curious. He knows it shouldn’t matter, but for some reason it does.

Sirius shrugs. “I mean, I did at first. But after I found out I sort of lost all interest. And then I was...” Sirius hesitates for a moment, before meeting Remus’ eyes. “I had my eyes on someone else, I guess.”

Suddenly the room feels too hot. Both men are pink in the face and Remus’ hands are shaking as he points to the box, “Look at that next one.”

Sirius tears his eyes away from his friend’s face and pulls the next photograph out. 

It’s another from James and Lily’s wedding. In this one Sirius has Remus in a headlock and is giving him a noogie. The present day Sirius laughs. “I was so sloshed that night. Someone should have cut me off.”

“We tried to,” Remus reminds him. “I couldn’t turn my back on you for a second or you’d end up at the bar again.”

Sirius continues to smile down at the photograph for a long moment. Then he shoves it in the pocket of his robes. “You don’t mind, do you?” He asks Remus.

Remus just shakes his head. “Take as many as you want. I have tons more at home.”

The two men spend hours in the kitchen that night. They flip through photo after photo, laughing and reminiscing. When the box is finally put away they’ve both shed many quiet tears. 

“Well,” Remus says softly, “I really ought to go now.”

To his surprise, Sirius responds, “Stay.”

Their eyes meet and Remus furrows his brow. “Wha- I mean, of course.”

“I hardly ever sleep anymore,” Sirius explains. “I have to be drunk or Padfoot to avoid the nightmares. But even that isn’t foolproof.” He’s mortified to be speaking this out loud, but he also knows that Remus is the last person who would ever judge him.

“I understand, Sirius,” Remus assures him. “I’ll stay.” And so that night Remus lays in Sirius Black’s bed with Padfoot curled up by his feet. He’s hyper aware that this is a fantasy from his boyhood. Except in the fantasy it wouldn’t be Padfoot in bed with him, it would be Sirius. Nonetheless, the warmth and steady breathing of Padfoot by his feet is soothing. 


End file.
